


liquid courage (no room for regrets)

by bitsori



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Bang Chan is Whipped, Friends to Lovers, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Complete Angel, M/M, Meddling Friends, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori
Summary: It starts when Seungmin calls Chris to ask for his help – a bunch of the brothers had gotten drunk at another Greek party.Again.(That's a lie — that's not when it starts. It started a long time ago, and well. That's what this story is about.)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 260





	liquid courage (no room for regrets)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [undelicate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/undelicate/gifts), [pinksense](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinksense/gifts).



> Dedicating this to **J** & **H** , two people I know who are super soft for Chanlix, and therefore lowkey (read: not necessarily actively) enabled me to finish this little brain child of mine. Special thanks to **J** who beta'd the very first draft, and who sprinted with me a lot so that this fic actually got done!! Chan POV is not my favorite thing to write, so this was a bit of a challenge, but I hope I did him justice.
> 
> I use Chris for Chan, Peter for Jisung and I.N for Jeongin in this fic. The rest retain their Korean names. (Except for Felix, for obvious reasons.)
> 
> Oh, also, TW for a scene with brief, yet somewhat detailed description of vomit.

✻

Chris still remembers the first time he met Felix – it was rush week, and at the time he was still Sigma Kappa Zeta’s rush chair. (He’s the president now, but it’s been two years since then, and as a legacy with natural leadership abilities, this was always the natural and expected trajectory of his fraternity career. But—he’d digress.)

Back to Felix.

It was rush week, and Felix and his friends had attended a party that Sigma Kappa had secretly thrown. All parties were supposed to be dry during rush week, mostly because of the assumption that underaged freshmen were milling about — it didn’t really make sense because rush week or not, freshmen who wanted to get drunk are bound to find ways, but whatever. The SKZ brotherhood had their ways, and the party was nowhere near _dry._

Felix had been clumped together with other freshmen rushies, most notably his roommate Seungmin, who just so happened to also be a legacy, which was why Chris had approached them to begin with. Felix had the face of an angel – more specifically, a cherub, because he seemed so youthful and baby-like. And then he opened his mouth to talk about some anecdote that happened at their dorm, and everyone gawked in surprise. His voice was a deep baritone that hardly fit his features.

Chris, though—he was surprised for an entirely different reason.

“Oy, mate!” he excitedly greeted, his cheeks split into the widest grin. It had been a long time since he’d met a fellow Australian on campus, and an even longer time since he met a fellow Australian around Greek row. Just hearing Felix talk brought back a little piece of home that he hadn’t realised he had been missing.

It wasn’t long after Felix pledged SKZ that he directly – albeit shyly – asked Chris himself to be his Big Brother. As rush chair, he had a lot of other responsibilities; he really should have said no, but it was _Felix,_ and he had given Chris the most adorable puppy dog eyes. What was he supposed to do, _say no?_

And that?

That was just the start of their story.

  
  
  


“Hey mate!” Felix walks into their shared bedroom and throws himself onto his bed. “What’s up?”

Chris glances behind him, over his shoulder. As chapter president, he’s entitled to his own bedroom in the house, but he had opted out of the privilege earlier that year. He let Seungmin (now the VP of their local chapter) have the presidential suite, saying he needed the private space much more than Chris did – and that he much preferred the more open space of the room he was already sharing with Felix.

Minho had given him a little eyebrow quirk, clearly not convinced about his reasoning, but Chris ignored him. What does Minho know anyway?

“Just trying to—” he sighs and waves a hand dismissively. He wasn’t really up for explaining what the mini thesis he’s currently writing is about. “School work,” he settles with, simply.

“Ah.” Felix nods with understanding; he rolls off his bed and walks closer. When he leans over Chris’s shoulder to look at the laptop monitor, Chris easily catches a whiff of his scent. For some reason, unless he puts on cologne, Felix always smells like baby powder. “The same one you were working on last night?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Chris chuckles nervously. He had meant to work on his paper all of last night, but sometime around half past ten in the evening, Seungmin had texted him, asking him for help. A bunch of the brothers went to a party thrown at the Tau Chi Tau house down the row, and more than a bunch of the brothers – unfortunately very predictably – had gotten piss drunk.

“Minho’s dancing on a table,” Seungmin explained to him hurriedly over the phone. “And _he_ was supposed to be the damn sober brother tonight. Fucking Peter kept egging him on with jell-o shots, and—shit, hyung, I have to go, Felix looks like he’s about to hurl.”

Minho, he could have ignored. He was old enough and capable enough to take care of himself. Peter was a little worrisome, but the boy has always been surprisingly good at handling himself even when buzzed. Felix, though—the moment Seungmin had mentioned the name, Chris was already grabbing his wallet and putting on a jacket.

It was normally a fifteen minute walk to the Tau Chi house – Chris had gotten there in eight.

“Sorry you had to take care of me—” Felix clears his throat now, and re-words his statement, “of _us,_ I mean.” He’s smiling sheepishly and looking genuinely apologetic. “I told Seungmin not to call you.”

Chris laughs and turns his swivel chair around so he can face the younger male properly. “Seungmin couldn’t handle all of you by himself now, could he?”

Felix chuckles; low and throaty, making something inside Chris clench.

“Still, I knew you had work to do—I shouldn’t have let go as much as I did.”

Chris laughs and playfully reaches up to tickle Felix’s chin. “If anyone’s to blame it’s Minho. He drew the short straw so _he’s_ the one who shouldn’t have been drinking as much as he did.”

(“I’m Social Chair!” had been Minho’s drunk and slurred excuse when Chris had given him his patented Disappointed Look the night before. “I was just being _social!”_

If Chris hadn’t seen him earlier that morning sporting the world’s worst hangover he probably would have given him quite a talking to. But he supposes for now, a constantly ringing headache is enough karma.)

“If that’s the case, then Peter is probably the one to blame then,” Felix jokingly offers; Chris could only snort. Minho and Peter had a weird thing where they would make out – but only when they were drunk. It was stupid, and everyone in the house found it stupid, but they were grown men who clearly had the hots for each other and no one wanted to get in between that.

“Yeah, probably.” Chris smiles at Felix who looks like there’s something else he wants to say.

“Well—” the freckled boy inhales deeply, and Chris’s heart thumps erratically. “I’ll leave you to your own devices, hyung. I’ll leave you for now—don’t wanna bother you any more than I already have!”

“You’re never a bother, Lix,” Chris assures him. “A brother, but never a bother,” he adds jokingly.

A shadow of _something_ passes over Felix’s features but it’s gone just as quickly, so Chris is left wondering if he’d imagined it. He assumes his joke just fell flat, so he laughs louder for both of them to make up for it.

“Yeah, okay. You’re the best big bro,” Felix gives him a three-finger salute before heading out the door. “I think we got new groceries today, so I’ll try to bake something from scratch—I’ll save the best cookies for you as thanks!”

“Thanks,” Chris calls out after him, already turning his chair back around to face his computer. “You’re the best little bro!” he adds quickly, even though the words feel pricklier than usual in his chest.

  
  
  


Here is the thing: Chris has feelings for Felix.

Not the innocent, fraternal kind either – even though he did spend a good amount of time and energy trying to convince himself and everyone else that that’s all it is. Right from day one, he had felt a pull towards the younger male, but that had been easy to explain as kinship with a fellow Australian.

They had grown up on the same food and same childhood games; with Felix, Chris knew he would always get his more obscure Australian references, the ones that always earned him strange looks when he would mention them to the other brothers. With Felix, he didn’t feel othered; he felt warm, like he was home with family. It was easy to assume that kind of familiarity as brotherly – he told himself (and anyone who would listen) that Felix simply reminded him of his actual little brother, even though that wasn’t entirely true. Felix and Lucas, his _actual_ younger brother, had completely different interests, and completely different personalities – not to mention Lucas was a good several years younger than Felix.

If you ask him when he started falling—when he started harboring feelings that could be considered a little more than platonic, Chris wouldn’t really be able to answer. Even just admitting it to himself had felt incredibly incestuous – or at least incestuous adjacent; he assumes Felix would likely be very grossed out if he ever finds out, so he pushed the feelings down, and kept them to himself.

  
  
  


When Chris finally emerges from his room that evening, the first person he sees is Minho, who still looks absolutely worn out from last night.

Chris can’t help but feel a little schadenfreude.

_Karma._

“Hey,” Minho nods at him. “Are you going out?”

Chris nods back. “Meeting Changbin at the gym—and then we’re having dinner,” he explains. Changbin – also known as Seungmin’s boyfriend and Chris’ best friend. He was from the same pledge batch as both Chris and Minho, and he used to live in the house with them, until earlier that year when he decided to move into an off-campus apartment to live by himself. Apparently his relationship with Seungmin fares better like this – with them living apart. Chris thinks it’s probably because they get to have space away from all the brothers when needed; although he’s pretty sure that if Seungmin wasn’t an active officer he probably would have gladly moved out of the house to be with Changbin already.

But. _Anyway._ Their relationship isn’t really any of Chris’s business.

“Oh, cool. Say hi to him for me.” Minho grumbles, and Chris almost laughs. Minho has no snarky comment so that headache he has must really be raging.

“Will do,” he agrees.

After he and Changbin spend an hour and a half at the campus gym, lifting weights and strengthening their glutes, they go to the local pub just outside campus for dinner. It’s a weeknight with midterms coming up pretty soon, so it’s not particularly full. Chris and Changbin have a standing weekly bro date though, which is the only reason why they’re meeting up – Chris regularly needs time to unwind, and Changbin knows as much which is why he suggested this regular hang time after he moved out.

“So, Seungmin tells me last night was wild,” Changbin comments after they get served food; he wasn’t at the party because he’d been busy the last couple of days working on some extra credit work for one of his majors. If he was around, Seungmin probably wouldn’t have needed to call Chris for _his_ help. “How are the guys?”

Chris laughs. “Mostly fine. Hyunjin was hungover this morning—I caught him macking on aspirin like candy,” he relays. “Haven’t seen Peter all day, but Minho seems to still have an intense headache up to now.”

Changbin snorts. “Serves him right. Seungmin couldn’t shut up about how irresponsible Minho was.”

“Yeah, well—Minho’ll make it up to him. You know he always does.”

Changbin nods. “True. Still—I would have appreciated not having to hear my boyfriend rant for an hour about how Minho only got drunk because he wanted to kiss Peter anyway.”

Chris snorts.

“I know, right?” Changbin cackles. “When will those two crazy kids get their act together?”

“Maybe never. They’ll be in their 60s, living together, and still completely in denial.” Chris sniffs and takes a swig off his beer. “Probably.”

“Absolutely,” Changbin agrees. “And speaking of denial...”

Changbin gives him a meaningful Look, and Chris’s initial instinct is to freeze because he thinks he knows exactly where this conversation is about to head; he works on trying to appear normal though, looking down at his food and doing his best to calmly bite into his burger.

Fortunately, Changbin respects his boundaries enough because he doesn’t push it. He simply sighs and shakes his head before switching the topic.

Is it really fortunate though, if Chris’s thoughts keep wandering anyway as Changbin blathers on about? If Chris’s feelings keep bubbling over and threatening to spill anyway? Maybe Changbin prodding would have given him an excuse to sort things out – an excuse to stop being in denial.

_But._

Changbin is a respectful friend and that’s why they’re best friends to begin with.

  
  
  


When Chris gets back to the house later that night, his shared bedroom with Felix is empty, but he notices that a Tupperware filled with freshly baked cookies has been left on his desk, next to his laptop; it has a bright yellow post-it tacked on to it — _“saved the most perfect looking ones for you!”_

It makes him smile, and he picks up a piece to nibble on even though he still feels pretty full after basically ordering two set meals for dinner. He glances across the room at Felix’s half-made bed; he doesn’t really have to wonder where his roommate might be. Before he had entered the room, he easily heard the loud rumble of Felix’s laughter coming from down the hall—from Seungmin’s room. Felix is the only one who is really able to cut into Seungmin’s time for himself – not even Changbin has that privilege all the time.

Back in the day, back before Seungmin and Changbin got together, Chris had been under the impression that Seungmin and Felix had feelings for each other. They had started out as roommates at the freshman dorms, and when they moved into the house together as actives, they had been quite attached at the hip.

Seungmin was— _is_ —obviously fond of Felix, but apparently Chris isn’t really all knowing. He makes wrong assumptions and observations too, and eventually he had come to realize that the fondness Seungmin has for Felix, is simply something that Felix brings out of everyone around him.

Something that Felix has brought out in him as well, _clearly._

The thing is – all that crap about not really knowing when he first started falling for his so-called little brother?

_Ha._

That’s a lie. (And wow, for someone so normally honor bound, Chris is getting pretty good at this lying thing—at lying to _himself,_ anyway.)

He’s pretty sure it started around halfway through Felix’s first year as an active — that was when he and his girlfriend of two years had called it quits. Not that the breakup was particularly surprising; Yerin always did have one foot out of the relationship even when they were just starting out. Chris was always the one working on the two of them – and then he just.

He _stopped._

He’s human, and he gets tired, too – so they talked, and decided to end their relationship, and all things considered, it was a pretty amicable split. Again, though – Chris is _human,_ and he felt his heart shatter anyway. His sleep schedule got even more fucked, and his insomnia went into overdrive.

Felix was the one who was there for him. Felix, his precious _little brother,_ who stayed up late with him and came up with a Bros Over Hos breakup checklist to make sure he was distracted from thinking about how much of a failure he is in the romance department.

“You’re always taking care of me Chris,” Felix had told him back then, as they got ready for a Charity Fun Run — giving to the needy while improving their heart conditions through running was number two on Felix’s breakup checklist, and Chris would admit that it helped him a lot back then. “Well,” Felix continued while he stretched his legs, “you try to take care of _everybody._ Someone needs to take care of you too, so why can’t it be me?”

He had been so determined to look after him—so determined to not let Chris succumb into a dark pit of depression, and it was honestly both flattering and heartwarming.

And Felix’s plans worked — perhaps a little _too well._

Chris is pretty sure that while Felix wanted Chris to feel better about himself; falling for Felix wasn’t on the table – and it felt stupid anyway. Falling for someone just because they show you kindness? He felt like a big schmuck.

Falling for someone who considers you his big brother? That felt ridiculously opportunistic. So Chris hid his feelings; he figured they were fleeting – caused by stress and a recently broken heart.

That was a year ago.

Unfortunately for Chris, his feelings have only grown stronger.

  
  
  


In the morning, when Chris wakes up, he finds that Felix’s bed is still in the same somewhat unkempt state it was last night. He’s surprised partly because it means Felix must not have slept there – but also mostly because he doesn’t really remember passing out and falling asleep.

He must have been really tired; understandable because over the last three days, between schoolwork, his social life and _other things,_ he’s barely had any sleep.

When he checks his bedside clock, he finds that it’s a little over eleven in the morning already, which means it’s way past breakfast. It’s a Saturday, though, which meant he had no classes — he just had to drop by his thesis advisor's office that afternoon for a brief consultation meeting.

“Hey guys.” It’s Peter and Minho that he finds in the pantry, two of them huddled together, watching something on Peter’s phone, Peter enjoying a bowl of cereal while Minho half gnawed on a granola bar.

“You look half dead Chris,” Minho comments, even though he barely looks up at him.

“You’re one to talk,” Chris shoots back as he procures a bowl from the drying rack, which earns him a snort from Peter; to be fair, Minho is back to looking immaculate again, while Chris has no doubt that he looks as deprived of sleep as he actually feels.

“Has Seungmin tracked you down yet?” Peter asks; the faint sound of whatever video was playing on his phone stops, presumably because he pauses it. “He was looking pretty determined earlier today to have a sit down with you—but he’s a dweeb who signed up for Saturday morning classes, so I assume he hasn’t seen you yet?”

Chris squints at him, sitting down across Peter and Minho before reaching over for the same box of honeyed cereal that Peter had left out. “Why is he—?”

“There’s no more milk, by the way,” Minho interjects, but only when Chris’ bowl is already halfway full.

“You could have told me earlier.” Chris sighs, and refrains from pouring any more. At least this type of cereal isn’t so bad to eat even if dry.

Minho shrugs, flashing him a smile that’s probably meant to be apologetic even though he doesn’t really look sorry at all.

“Seungmin looked like he was ready to tread on some kind of warpath,” Peter continues. “Maybe because midterms are coming up?”

“What?” Chris laughs and shakes his head; Peter’s logic doesn’t make sense to him. “Is this about the post midterms mixer?”

“Definitely not,” Minho pipes up. “Everything’s under control there,” he says, and even though Minho can be a dick sometimes, he isn’t a flake. And as social chair, if he says that everything’s under control with their upcoming party, then Chris can trust him.

“What’s up then?”

It’s Peter’s turn to shrug; and then he presses play on the video they were watching and both of their attention are easily drawn from Chris and back to his phone.

Not even two minutes pass, however, before the kitchen door swings open with a loud thump, and—

“Christopher Bang!”

Both Peter and Minho look up, eyes wide open, while Chris turns around in a very slow and almost comical fashion. Seungmin is standing by the doorway, and Chris supposes he understands what Peter had meant earlier by the younger male looking ready to charge down a warpath.

Well—Peter said he looked ready to _tread_ , but Chris thinks he looks more than ready to charge.

“Hey, bro, don’t you have class?” Peter asks, while Minho not so subtly elbows his side, no doubt trying to signal to him that they should quickly get out of the room if they don’t want to be caught in the crossfire.

Chris can’t really blame him.

“I need to talk to Chris,” Seungmin flat out says.

“Is this about the party, because I have it—” Peter starts, only for his face to contort in pain mid-sentence. Minho just hit him harder.

“And we’re outta here!” Minho announces, pulling up Peter with him but not before he throws Chris a pitiful look.

All he can do is sigh inwardly right before he has a spoonful of dry cereal. He gestures for Seungmin to take Peter and Minho’s newly vacated spots across him. He feels his heart start to pound against his rib cage as his vice president calmly (read: icily) sits down.

He’s pretty sure he knows what this talk is going to be about.

  
  
  


Time to pause and rewind – to bring it all back to a couple of nights before when the Tau Chis had thrown their annual pre-midterms rager. To the night when Minho had gotten drunk so he could make out with Peter; to the night when Seungmin had needed to call Chris for help in rounding up drunk brothers because his boyfriend was being a responsible student and making an attempt to wrangle some extra credit points.

Chris had arrived at the TXT house in record time; the party was already starting to wind down, but all that meant was that most of the guests were already high and wasted, but still in denial about being ready to go back to their respective houses—or dormitory buildings, whichever the case.

He had spotted I.N first, one of their newest actives, because he was sitting outside the steps with a Phi Rho Mu girl. He was tipsy, but mostly sober—you wouldn’t even know he was drinking if not for the fact that he was completely confident in the way he was hitting on the sorority girl he was with.

 _Good for him,_ had been Chris’ first thought, because he knows that Jeongin has had his eye on her all semester. He was also grateful because I.N was sober enough to inform him that Hyunjin already left earlier with his girlfriend, so at least that was one less person to worry about.

Once he stepped foot inside, Seungmin had practically accosted him, with Minho and Peter in tow.

“I’m taking these two idiots home,” he told Chris, wincing as he tried to help keep Peter upright. Minho, meanwhile, had a silly grin decorating his features even as he blew into Seungmin’s ear.

Chris gave Minho a stern look in an attempt to telegraph his Disappointment, but really, he just wanted to laugh because Seungmin was right and they were both big idiots. However, he also knew Seungmin would have his head off if he showed any signs of being amused by his troubles. Seungmin was a couple of years below him, but sometimes he really scared Chris.

“I’d take Felix first, but—” Seungmin sighed. “He’s inside the upstairs bathroom,” he explains. “I told him you were on your way to help, and he said he’ll wait for you—and then he refused to budge. I think he was doing tequila shots earlier—I can’t be sure because I got here late.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded and clapped Seungmin’s back. “I got Felix, but—you sure I can’t help you with those two?”

Seungmin shook his head. “I got them, just—” he pursed his lips, and gave Chris a grave stare. “Take care of Lix.”

"Yeah, of course, bro.” Chris nodded once more. “I.N’s out front—maybe he could help with those two.”

“Okay, I’ll ask him.” Seungmin flashed him a small smile; it looked like it was trying to communicate something, but Chris couldn’t be sure what so he let it fade away to the back of his thoughts. And then they were separating and Chris was making his way up the TXT house’s stairs.

He easily found the bathroom—the truth is that the second floor should be off-limits to non Tau Chis, but Sigma Kappas and Tau Chis have always gotten along, and Felix is _Felix,_ an angel among men, so Chris wasn’t surprised that he managed to let himself be allowed upstairs. Seungmin probably asked Beomgyu or Soobin if Felix could throw up in the clean bathroom or something.

Chris gently knocked on the door before slowly pushing it open. Sure enough, he found Felix crouched on the floor, in front of the toilet bowl, looking pale and dehydrated.

“Hey bro,” Chris greeted him as he stepped inside the small space, closing the door behind him. “You good there?”

 _“Mate.”_ There was something about the way Felix spit the word out; laced with a hint of venom that’s very foreign coming from Felix who tends to speak with so much earnestness ninety-nine percent of the time. “You came.”

“Yeah.” Chris chuckled as he crouched in front of Felix. He offered a bottle of water that he’d grabbed from the kitchen on the way up. “Drink up.”

“Already drank too much,” Felix muttere; he sounded small this time – tired, and pouty.

 _Cute,_ Chris had thought, and then he briefly wondered if there wa something wrong with him, because his little brother was drunk and wasted, and yet _that_ was one of the repetitive thoughts running around his head anyway.

“Yeah, but you need to have some H2O, bro,” he pointed out, uncapping the bottle himself and lifting the opening up closer to Felix’s lips.

“Stop calling me that,” Felix growled; the hint of poison in his tone was back, catching Chris off guard – even more so when the younger boy snatched the bottle away from him.

“Dude, what’s—” he was about to ask what was wrong, but his inquiry ended with a sigh instead as Felix took a long swig of water.

“Sorr—” Felix began after he downed half the content of the bottle in one go, only to interrupt himself mid-apology, his expression contorting into one of discomfort; he heaved drily, once, twice and then he was turning and upchucking into the toilet bowl.

Chris couldn’t help but wince; Felix’s vomit was an ugly, pale orange, mostly liquid with unidentifiable bits of God knows what. He reached over with worry, hand gently caressing the back of Felix’s head as the latter pushed the flush lever.

His puke swirled, mixing with the water and disappearing with the flush.

Felix groaned and leaned back against Chris’ touch. “I’m never gonna drink like that again,” he mumbled.

Chris laughed. “I feel like you said that the last party, too.”

“No way,” Felix adamantly shook his head. “I’m sticking to beer from now on. No more tequila shots. No more liquid courage.”

Chris smiled and pat Felix again; the younger boy smiled back lazily and preened at the touch. He looked so adorable that Chris couldn’t help the warmth that spread along the back of his neck.

“You good to stand and walk back home?” Chris asked, pulling himself up to a standing position and offering Felix a hand.

The younger blinked and stared at the hand at first, but only seconds had passed before he grabbed it and attempted to use it as support when he tried to pull himself up as well – it almost worked, but all that vomiting clearly hadn’t completely cleansed his system of the alcohol just yet because he lost balance the moment he was on his feet, wobbling and stumbling straight into Chris’ arms.

“Careful there,” Chris muttered under his breath while he helped steady the younger, smaller male. Felix is so small, and he was so tiny in his hold. Vertically, there isn’t really much of a difference between them, but Chris is stocky—built thanks to hours of discipline put into the gym, whereas Felix has always been lean and quite light on his feet.

At the time, Chris couldn’t help but think that he fit in his hold quite perfectly.

“I’m fine,” Felix mumbled, trying to pull away from Chris and stand on his own. He managed to make the first few steps outside of the bathroom just fine, but Chris laughed anyway because he could barely walk a straight line.

“Lix, let me just help you, yeah?” he insisted, swiftly going after the younger male and wrapping a strong, steadying arm around his slender waist.

“Fine.” Felix sighed. “Seriously,” he grumbled, as the two of them carefully made their way down the stairs. “Fuck tequila. I’m not _that_ drunk, Chris, I swear—just out of balance.”

“Yeah, sure.” Chris smiled and gently squeezed his side. “You need help either way.”

“Fine. You should carry me back home, then!” Felix declared, a soft giggle escaping him when they finally stepped out of the house, and they felt the cool, late night breeze on their skin.

“Okay,” Chris said simply, letting Felix go, but only so that he could crouch down in front of him as a way to offer his back.

“Wait. Huh?”

Chris looked over his shoulder and grinned at Felix’s confused expression. “You said you wanted to be carried—or do you prefer to be carried bridal style—?”

He thought that he noticed Felix’s face flush at the comment, but he wasn’t sure if it was from his comment—or Felix really was still just drunk. “No—no way!” Felix laughed and gestured wildly with his hands.

“Come on,” Chris motioned for him to get on. “We’ll get home quicker this way.”

Felix pursed his lips, and a couple of seconds passed; he didn’t make any other verbal comment, but soon enough he was carefully climbing onto Chris’ back.

“This always happens in those Korean dramas that Hyunjin is always watching in the living room,” he commented softly as Chris hoisted him up properly for a better hold.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Chris tried to reign in the silly grin that’s threatening to curve on his mouth. There ws something truly wrong with him for thinking this was a romantic scene when Felix was clearly very much out of it. Then again, it wasn’t his fault that the younger male had pretty much implied similar romantic vibes. Hyunjin’s favorite dramas were always big on romance after all.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes, with Felix resting his chin against Chris’ shoulder; his breath was warm against Chris’ neck – almost ticklish, and it took so much energy to not laugh or giggle because of it.

“Hey Chris,” Felix murmured as their Greek house came into view; it was a bit of a surprise because the silence had made him think that Felix had nodded off to sleep.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t like it when you call me bro.”

“Huh?” Chris was very obviously confused. “Bro—?”

Felix grumbled softly. “I just said—” his voice sounded tight, and his sentence was punctuated with a frustrated sigh.

“Never mind.”

Chris frowned. “You’re drunk, Lix,” he murmured softly.

“Yeah. Drunk. Out of my mind.” Felix laughed, a little too loudly, straight into Chris’ ear, making him flinch. “You can put me down now,” he announced as soon as they step foot on the lawn of their house.

“I don’t mind carrying you upstairs,” Chris pointed out, but Felix peeled himself off Chris’ back and jumped off him without another word. Unfortunately, his balance was still off and he ended up on his ass, right by the steps of the patio.

Chris tried to hold back laughter – but he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him, thanks to how adorable Felix’s scowl looked to him.

“I’m fine!” Felix declared, still speaking a little too loudly – no doubt in part because of his tipsiness, but at the same time, he sounded like he was trying to make up for something. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he kept repeating as he wobbled into the house after Chris opened the door for both of them.

Chris was so perplexed, but that didn’t stop him from following Felix up the stairs, keeping a small distance between them until they reached the second floor bathroom.

“I’m fine,” Felix repeated to him one last time. “I’m gonna wash up and brush my teeth—you don’t have to take care of me in the bathroom, Chris. I’m not your _baby brother.”_

“Whoa—” Chris raised his hands in defeat. “Alright.”

He stood there anyway until Felix closed the bathroom door on him, and then he headed back downstairs briefly so that he could get bottles of water – he didn’t want Felix sporting an awful hangover in the morning, so the least he could do was make sure he was kept hydrated.

When he got back to their shared bedroom, Felix wasn’t there yet, so Chris simply placed the bottles of water on the younger male’s bedside table, alongside a half-filled bottle of aspirin. He thought about checking on Felix in the bathroom, only hesitating due to the way Felix lightly snapped at him earlier.

It turned out moot, because a minute later, the door creaked open and Felix entered; he looked more fresh, but still tired.

“Hey,” Chris acknowledged from where he was seated on his own bed. “Feeling better?”

“Feeling sick,” Felix mumbled; he spotted the bottles of water by his bedside, and he turned to look at Chris. “Hey. Thanks. For— _you know._ Everything.”

Chris nodded mutely. “Lix—is something bothering you?” he asked, as Felix chugged down water. “You know you can talk to me.”

“I just wanna sleep,” Felix muttered, crawling under his covers once he’s done drinking water.

Chris chuckled. “Right, okay. I hope you don’t feel too bad in the morning,” he commented as he pulled the bedside lamp’s switch off, in turn enveloping the entire room with darkness.

He sighed to himself, confused at Felix’s behavior; he didn’t know what to make of it, but he wasn’t really given any time to really think about it because within five minutes, he heard a soft creaking, followed by tossing and turning coming from the direction of Felix’s bed.

“Lix?” he called out softly.

Chris hadn’t gotten any answer save for some more shifting; and then he realised that Felix had left his bed, and was now kneeling by the side of his bed.

“Chris.” Felix muttered.

“Jesus Christ—” Chris coughed out, surprised; the moon is waxing crescent, so there was barely any moonlight peeking through the blinds; the shadows made Felix appear a little creepy, but it was still _Felix,_ so it didn’t take long before Chris was feeling calm again. “Don’t creep up on me like that,” he said with a chuckle as he sat up.

He was about to reach for the lamp to turn it on when Felix stoppe him by wrapping his tiny fingers around his wrist.

“What’s wrong Lix?”

“I think—” Felix exhaled shakily. “I think I still have enough liquid courage in me to—”

Chris had waited, not sure what Felix was going on about; but Felix didn’t say anything again. The next thing that Chris felt were Felix’s lips against his own. His eyes widened in surprise, but Felix was insistent; his hold on Chris’ wrist tightened, and his mouth pressed against Chris’ harder. There was a faint taste of spearmint flavored toothpaste, for which Chris was grateful for – he was about to move, was about to start kissing back, when Felix pulled away with a soft sigh.

“Good night, Chris,” he whispered, and then there was just the sound of feet softly padding, and sheets rustling as Felix tucked himself back into his bed.

Chris was left feeling absolutely lost.

  
  
  


“So.”

Seungmin is younger than Chris by a good couple of years, but there’s something about the way that he carries himself that’s so self-assured, especially for someone who just turned 21, that it’s almost scary. Moreover, something about the way that Seungmin is looking at him in that moment tells Chris he’s probably about to get his head blown off – metaphorically, obviously, and not literally, but _still._ Not really any less scary.

“So?” Chris sits up straight and tries to look as presidential as he can – a reminder that not only is he older, but that he also outranks Seungmin within the house itself.

Seungmin doesn’t balk, or even bat an eyelash.

“Stop messing with Lix,” Seungmin tells him, his tone calm and even, and the first thought in Chris’ head is,

_There it is._

This is exactly what he’d been expecting after all.

Chris lets out nervous laughter. “What?” he asks, because he’s not above feigning innocence.

If it were anyone other than Seungmin, he very likely would have stood up then and there, and simply asserted that they do not know what they’re talking about. Him? Messing with Felix – t’s the last thing Chris would want to do.

But Seungmin is Felix’s best friend, his closest confidante within the house, and Chris would acquiesce that he probably knows better than Chris about what’s going on; after all, even Chris is confused about what exactly is going on.

At least he’s clear on his own feelings for Felix now – not that that helps any, since he’s yet to actually say it out loud. In the words of Minho himself, is something actually real if no one ever mentions it out loud? (Minho had said these words once, when they were still pledges tasked to clean every corner of the house and they had accidentally discovered a senior brother’s hidden blow up doll—that was strangely and quite narcissistically made in his exact image; it had been enough to make them both blush, and so the two of them had promised never to speak on it ever again; different context, but the point remains the same.)

“Don’t play at being obtuse, Chris.” Seungmin sounds exasperated. He sits down across Chris, in one of the chairs just vacated by Peter and Minho, and he levels with Chris. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“Seungmin, I’m just trying to enjoy my breakfast here,” Chris stubbornly argues as he has another spoonful of dry cereal. “Do you want some?” he asks, generously pushing the bowl towards Seungmin who winces in response.

“Who has cereal without milk?” he grumbles, disgust coloring his features.

“Peter and Minho didn’t tell me they finished the milk,” Chris points out. “And it isn’t so bad.”

Seungmin shakes his head disapprovingly. “You’re trying to change the topic, but you know that doesn’t work on me so easily.”

He’s right; Chris is well aware that Seungmin is not the type to be easily distracted and he usually respects Seungmin’s ability to compartmentalize and prioritize — unless said priority is getting him to talk about his feelings for Felix, he supposes.

Then again, why is that supposed to be a bad thing anyway?

“Chris, I don’t like prying into people’s personal issues but—” Seungmin frowns, “This is Lix. He’s been acting like a wounded kitty—”

“He has? I haven’t—”

“Not around you, he hasn’t,” Seungmin interrupts him flatly. “Because he doesn’t want you to worry. You know he’s absolutely in lo—” he pauses and purses his lips, his expression looking like he’s quickly rephrasing what he wants to say in his head. “Look. Felix likes you a lot. _Head over heels_ a lot.”

“He doesn’t—”

“I already told you not to be obtuse, Chris.” Seungmin really isn’t letting him finish any of his sentences. _Great. “_ He thinks he made it clear to you when he kissed you the other night, but here you are, still pretending in front of him—in front of all of us.”

Chris blinks. “He— I—” he exhales shakily; he’s realising that none of what Seungmin is saying is a lie.

He supposes it makes sense that Felix does have feelings for him; out of everyone in the house, Felix has always been very mindful of Chris and how Chris is feeling. He’s the only one who always steps up when Chris needs help—when Chris needs someone to lean on. Felix is always there with a smile, and supportive words, but it’s hard to feel special when Felix is literally an angel who frequently goes around smiling and automatically lifting spirits.

It’s why Chris fell in love with him in the first place.

He supposes Felix doesn’t go around kissing just about any brother while under the influence of—in Felix’s own words too, now that Chris thinks about it— _liquid courage._

So—Seungmin clearly knows what he’s talking about, and Chris is an idiot.

“Felix is hurt that you haven’t said anything,” Seungmin continues, not once breaking eye contact. “He gathered enough courage to _kiss_ you, and you just pretend like it didn’t happen.”

“I—” Chris frowns. “I thought he was drunk and that _he_ doesn’t remember anything!”

“Isn’t that more reason for you to bring it up?” Seungmin clicks his tongue.

“I didn’t want him to think that—” Chris pauses; what _does_ he not want Felix to think? What would he have really lost if he confronted Felix about that damn kiss?

 _A brother, maybe,_ says the traitorous voice in the back of his head. Except it’s been a long time since he stopped thinking of Felix as just a brother and _that_ makes his face feel warm, which in turn has Seungmin giving him a strange look.

“He thinks he upset you. And that you’d rather forget it happened to begin with. I really didn’t want to confront you like this,” Seungmin tells him, and this time his tone is finally softer—a bit apologetic. “I know I can’t tell you what to do—you’re a grown adult, and you’re the most responsible person I know, but I feel like you’ve been working so hard on denying your feelings to yourself—or at least to everyone else, and—well. You kind of owe yourself and Felix better.” He sniffs. “Besides, you aren’t fooling anyone. Minho’s been taking bets on how long before you get your shit together and give Felix the happiness he deserves.”

“Minho?!” Chris gawks in disbelief. “That motherfucker—I would’ve thought everyone would be taking bets on how long before _he_ and Peter get their shit together?!”

Seungmin snorts. “Oh, everyone is, and if you want to wager a guess, we can talk later.” Chris blinks; and then he laughs because of course Seungmin would be the one taking bets on those two. “Anyway,” Seungmin continues, “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to model your romantic endeavors after those two. They’re idiots. _You’re_ usually not.”

  
  
  


Chris lays in bed for most of the afternoon, just staring at his ceiling. He had messaged his thesis advisor earlier and told her that a made up, bogus emergency had come up so that he could move the meeting to Monday instead.

Completely irresponsible, and not very much like him, but he couldn’t really focus anyway – Seungmin’s talk has rendered him incapable of processing anything beyond thoughts of Felix, Felix and... well. _Felix._

Apparently the boy has the ability to turn him into a lovestruck idiot worse than even a pre-pubescent pre-teen with a crush. Who knew?

(Okay, deep down, Chris knew—and maybe that’s why he worked so hard on not acknowledging those feelings.)

According to his bedside alarm clock, it’s a few minutes shy of 4 in the afternoon when his bedroom door opens and Felix finally walks in.

“Oh, hey, mate!” Felix looks surprised to see him there, and it hurts Chris that his eyes immediately went from looking bright and excited, to tentative and almost sad. “I thought you were out? Is everything fine—are you feeling fine?”

Chris softens at the worry in Felix’s tone; even when he’s hurting, he puts the feelings of other people ahead of his own.

“I’m good, don’t worry,” Chris assures him as he seats up and moves towards the edge of the bed; his eyes follow Felix as the latter walks towards his bed, only to crouch down at the foot of it so he could reach for something under.

“The guys want to play some ball,” Felix explains when he stands up again, orange basketball in hand. “If you’re not feeling under the weather, do you want to join us?” He’s smiling ear to ear, but the uncertainty mirrored in his eyes remain.

“Actually—” Chris inhales and scoots a bit to the side so he can make room for Felix to sit beside him; he pats the free space. “Can we talk?”

Felix’s smile falters, and his expression turns curious, but cautious. “What about?”

“Um.” Chris deliberately pauses and waits until Felix finally sits next to him. “The other night.”

Felix’s eyes widen, and his mouth opens into a perfectly shaped _Oh._

“We don’t—” he winces and his normally deep voice actually goes up a notch when he tries to speak. “We can forget it happened,” he offers quietly. “I’m really sorry for... I mean. _We’re brothers._ I know I overstepped, and I—uh.” He’s stuttering, and his cheeks are flushed a deep shade of red. “I apologize.”

Silence passes; Chris knows he should assure Felix, but his heart is thundering in his chest, distracting him from being able to to find the perfect words to explain that there is nothing to be sorry about.

“Okay, yeah.” Felix nods and laughs nervously. “Good talk,” he concludes, and it’s obvious that he’s about to get up — Chris can’t have that, not when he hasn’t said _his_ piece.

He’s quick to move and grab Felix’s wrist. “Wait,” he says. He attempts a smile, but based on the way that Felix grows more nervous, he thinks it probably comes off as an unfriendly grimace. “Wait,” he repeats after taking a deep breath. He attempts another smile, and when Felix visibly relaxes—even if just a tiny bit—he knows he did better. “ _I’m_ sorry,” he finally begins. “You didn’t overstep—you didn’t do anything wrong, and I—”

Felix moves to sit down next to him once more; this time he’s looking directly at Chris, his eyes wide and hopeful. He looks so adorable—his bottom lip is slightly quivering, while the blush on his cheeks only makes his freckles stand out more. He looks as _precious_ as Chris knows him to be in reality, and he’s distracted from the rest of the speech he had been aiming to make.

“Chris—?” Felix calls out to him, clearly waiting for him to continue.

"I thought you were drunk,” Chris exhales. “I thought the kiss was just the alcohol, and I thought I was doing you a favor by pretending it didn’t happen—but it wasn’t—it wasn’t something that I would have stopped anyway, whether you were drunk or not. I mean—” he laughs, because now _he’s_ the one tripping all over his words. “What I’m trying to say is that I would really like to kiss you now that you’re sober.”

That wasn’t what he was getting at earlier, but it certainly is what was really running through his head.

Felix blinks rapidly. “Oh,” he whispers.

“Yeah—sorry.” Chris laughs nervously. “Sorry, that came out weird, I just—”

“Okay.” Felix nods. “You can kiss me, Chris.”

Chris’ breath hitches, and _did he really just hear that right?_

Yeah, he supposes he did — he just cleaned his ears an hour ago after all.

He stares at Felix, who now wears a determined expression—waiting, and challenging. And the last thing Chris wants is to disappoint him once again, so he moves. He leans in, one hand cradling Felix’s tiny face – he pauses when his face is barely a centimeter away from Felix’s, his brain working on overdrive, like it’s unable to process the fact that he’s really about to do this after working so hard on consciously pushing his feelings away for a year now.

And then Felix lets out a soft, impatient noise and all other thoughts in Chris’ head fly away. He swoops in, mouth pressing against Felix’s surprisingly silky lips. He moves his free arm around Felix’s slender body, palm pressing against the small of his back for support — like that, he easily feels Felix relax in his hold, and it isn’t long before their lips are parting against each other, deepening the kiss slowly, yet eagerly.

“I love you,” Chris finds himself blurting out the moment they pull away, and _Jesus fuck,_ he thinks. He’s a dork who has no control over his own words. _Embarrassing,_ and yet, he decides that he doesn’t regret the confession. “I love you,” he repeats, with more confidence now. He’s kept his feelings for long enough, and he knows Felix well enough that there’s no need for him to kee being coy.

Especially now that Felix is looking at him with an expression that looks so... _enlightened._ “Chris—” Felix gasps, only to burst into an adorable fit of giggles. “I love you too,” he says simply, _happily._ And then he giggles some more as he leans in to plant a perfectly chaste peck on Chris’ lips. 

_What a lovely, captivating boy,_ Chris thinks. Add to that: bewitching, charming, delightful, _precious—_ Chris is willing to go through an entire thesaurus, but what really matters is simple: Felix is all his now.

“Finally!” A loud, familiar voice screams from outside their bedroom as if reading Chris’ thoughts, and when Chris looks towards the direction of the door, he realises that it’s slightly ajar—that Felix hadn’t really locked it behind him earlier when he arrived.

Peter—it’s Peter _fucking_ Han being loud and noisy in the corridor; and if Chris had any doubts that Peter’s obnoxious comment is about him and Felix, Minho sticking his head into the room several seconds later dispels all of them.

“Peter says—?” Minho snorts when he sees them, and Chris realises that he and Felix are still basically entangled together, with arms wrapped around each other. “Damn,” he curses. “Seungmin just won the entire betting pool!” 

  
  
  


_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is much appreciated!  
> [TWT](http://twitter.com/hanmings) && [CC](http://curiouscat.me/yiminho)


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